You just made me feel so damn special
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
