She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
