when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
