The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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