OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
