So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
