I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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