You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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