Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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