After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
