The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
