No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
