can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
