I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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