"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
