Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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