We won't sleep together?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
