I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
