Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Mom said you looked used
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
