Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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