oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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