All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
