OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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