So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
