someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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