just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
