Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
