Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
