so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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