She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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