It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
