i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
