Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
