Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
