More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
