She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
