At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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