wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
