I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
