is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im holly from the hills drunk
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
