wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
