No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize