I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
why is half of my head shaved?
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