no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
