Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
