She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
sex in a hospital.. check
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
