he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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