the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
