So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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