He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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