she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she told me i tasted like america
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
