all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
