this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
