You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
