Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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