its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
