saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize