people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
