oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
