They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
