I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
