My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
