just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
