what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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