Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
