a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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