i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
