please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
