My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize