Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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