I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
