The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
