The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
