Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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