i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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