And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
