Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
