Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
