We named our party play list daddy issues
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
