I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
