so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
