Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
