i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
