just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
