i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
