i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
