Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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