I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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