im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to sanitize my soul.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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