So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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