Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize