just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
