I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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