I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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