It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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