dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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