I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need a beard to bite.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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