There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
God I need to hump something, right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
