even my farts smell like vagina
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
