When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize