she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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