you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
